Everything on this site is useless by design, but some of it is more useless than the rest. This is the hall of fame: the entries that have earned their place, plus a map of where to find the rest of them.
The as useless as wing
The house speciality, and the reason the site exists. The form is a century old and still undefeated.
- As useless as a chocolate teapot. The undisputed champion. Everybody knows it, which is both its strength and the reason the connoisseurs have moved on.
- As useless as an ashtray on a motorbike. The poet’s choice. Two objects, both real, both correct, catastrophically incompatible.
- As useless as an inflatable dartboard. The best of the modern ones — it fails instantly and audibly.
- As useless as a conservatory in January. The British entry, and a complaint about four separate things at once.
- As useless as a dictionary that stops at M. The weirdly specific school, where the extra clause does all the work.
Full collections: the complete fifty, the original thirty, the weirdly specific thirty and forty ways to finish the sentence.
The themed editions
Same form, narrower rooms. Pick the one nearest to wherever you are standing.
- The foodie edition — fifty from the kitchen, including the chocolate frying pan.
- The office edition — forty for the meeting that could have been an email.
- The sports edition — thirty-five for the touchline.
- The tech edition — thirty-five from the drawer of cables that fit nothing.
- The DIY edition — thirty-five from the shed.
- The British edition — forty, mostly about weather and tea.
The groan wing
Jokes built to be endured rather than enjoyed. The site’s oldest tradition.
- I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I do not know Y. The perfect dad joke: no wordplay to admire, no way out.
- The cheese factory exploded. There was nothing left but de-brie. The pun that most reliably clears a room.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? The door. The door who? The door was open the entire time. The knock-knock joke apologising for itself.
- Why was six afraid of seven? Numbers are abstract concepts and do not experience fear. The anti-joke in its purest form.
- My printer only works when a witness is present. The one-liner that people repeat as though it is their own.
Full collections: dad jokes, the original dad jokes, puns so bad they’re useless, the original puns, knock-knock jokes for people who hate them, the straight knock-knock thirty, anti-jokes, useless one-liners, the original one-liners and fifty useless facts.
The rules of the house
Nothing on this site is aimed at a person. The butt of every joke here is an object, a situation, or the joke itself — which is a deliberate restriction, and the reason the material stays repeatable. If you want the version where readers vote and the targets are broader, that lives at the reader-ranked version over at gotlines.com.