The best of the site in one place: the strongest as useless as sayings, dad jokes, puns, anti-jokes and one-liners, with where each belongs.
Category: Useless
The as useless as family: comparisons for things that do nothing, badly — chocolate teapots, screen doors on submarines and their many descendants.
Fifty facts with no practical value whatsoever: cube-shaped wombat droppings, a knighted penguin, and sharks older than trees.
Forty British as useless as sayings: chocolate fireguards, hosepipe bans, deckchairs in a gale and a conservatory in January.
Thirty-five DIY as useless as jokes: rawlplugs two sizes small, filler that shrinks, and the spare bag of screws at the end.
Thirty-five tech as useless as jokes: cables two inches short, error messages that say Error, and progress bars that go backwards.
Thirty-five sporting as useless as jokes: a putter in a bunker, studs on ice, and a video referee with the screen switched off.
Thirty useless sayings with far too much detail in them: a dictionary that stops at M, a smoke alarm that only goes off on Sundays.
Forty ways to finish you’re as useless as, from a spirit level with no bubble to an ATM with a queue and no notes. Aimed at objects only.
Forty as useless as sayings built for work: dried-out whiteboard pens, jammed printers, and meetings that could have been an email.
Fifty as useless as sayings in one place: the classics everybody half-remembers, plus the specific ones that do the actual damage.