The knock-knock joke has a design flaw: it requires the audience to participate in their own downfall. You cannot receive one passively. You have to say “who’s there”, knowing full well where this is going, which makes you complicit.
These twenty-five are for people who have noticed that. Some subvert the form, some abandon it halfway, and several are simply hostile in a polite way. They are shorter than the standard model, which is the kindest thing anybody has done for the genre in decades.
Twenty-five, for the unwilling
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Nobody. Nobody who? Exactly. Enjoy the rest of your evening.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? A knock-knock joke. Please leave.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Doorbell. Doorbell who? Doorbell works, I checked, I just prefer this.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Interrupting the only quiet moment you have had today.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Me. Me who? You know exactly who it is, we have lived together for eleven years.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? An apology. An apology who? An apology for the joke that follows.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Not now. Not now who? Correct.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? A courier. A courier who? A courier who has already left the card and gone.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? The premise. The premise who? The premise is that somebody is at a door and neither of us has moved.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Ash. Ash who? Bless you, and no, that is not the joke, you genuinely sneezed.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Setup. Setup who? There is no payoff, this is a structural exercise.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Your neighbour. Your neighbour who? The one you have waved at for six years without learning the name.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Etch. Etch who? I am not doing the bless you again, it was funnier the first time and it was not funny the first time.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Silence. Silence who? Thank you, that was lovely.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? The end of the joke. The end of the joke who? Yes.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Do not cry, it gets worse.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who? Wooden shoe rather be doing anything else.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Amos. Amos who? Amos definitely going to do another one.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Cargo. Cargo who? Cargo beep beep, and yes, I know, I heard it too.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? A man with no arms. Never mind, he cannot knock, this joke has a plot hole.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive here, this is my house, why are you asking.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Anita. Anita who? Anita a better hobby, I am aware.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time to stop me.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Ken. Ken who? Ken we agree that was the last one.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? The door. The door who? The door was open the entire time.
When a knock-knock is the right weapon
Two situations only. With children, where the form works exactly as designed and the payoff genuinely does not matter. And with an adult who has just said they hate knock-knock jokes, at which point the correct response is one of the meta ones above, delivered slowly, while maintaining eye contact. Any other use is vandalism.
The site’s thirty straight knock-knock jokes play it entirely by the book, if you would rather. For the same audience-hostility in one line, try the useless one-liners.